Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
