At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
