You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
