We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
