Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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