I think i peed on brittanys purse
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
