I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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