she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
