i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
