There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
