you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
