I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
