If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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