I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You don't make any sense
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