ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
