Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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