Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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