May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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