maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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