my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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