Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The uberlube is also flammable
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
