.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize