Kareoke will never be a sober sport
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize