All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
