A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
