His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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