so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
