Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
