I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
