I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
