it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
