does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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