dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
