Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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