just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
