so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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