she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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