I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize