he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
