But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
