He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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