I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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