Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
