I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
