My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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