Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
