I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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