My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize