is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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