we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
