everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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