Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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