so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
