Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
