I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
