How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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