you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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