Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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