I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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