Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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