you would pick up someone in the library
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
