Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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