does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
